Heavy Wings
by Alien-Ariel
Summary: Eliot is a girl with a hard life. But she still manages to be mystifying, slightly sad, and beautiful. It just takes one special Ensign to see the hidden meanings in everything Eliot does, to see the real her. Chekov/OC
1. Meet Our Little Family

Buzzers and alarm bells were sounding everywhere. The lights flickered and the warning lights cast red shadows across the walls as they spun. The ship quaked and I was thrown through a door and into some other crewmen. I didn't have time to apologize as I rebounded back into the hall and stumbled off towards the family quarters. It took more time than I really had, but I finally got back to my family's door. I pushed through the door as soon as it slid open.

"Christian?" I wailed. I called and called, fearing the worst, until my younger brother's bleach blond head peeked out from his room.

"Eliot!" He yelled over the chaos and alarms outside our door. He pushed furniture out his way to get to me, "What's happened?" His blue eyes were pierced with fear. I could only just shake my head. My body had been stiff ever since the alarms went from yellow to red. I didn't know anything, except that I had to check on my family. I gave him a quick hug.

"Stay here. Be safe. I'll come for you." I turned to leave. Sickbay would need me.

"Ella!" Christian looked beyond worry, "Engineering's been hit hard. I heard over the intercom--" Without any other words I shot out into the hall and towards the nearest Communication Panel.

"Kilkenny to Engineering." I barked, holding onto the wall to steady myself with one hand, the other covering my twisting stomach. I couldn't get a picture, but the audio came through all too well. No one answered at first, everything was hissing pipes and snapping wires, until I heard a body slam into the Communication Panel on the other side.

"Yes, yes what is it?" The voice of an engineer reached me.

"Is Eli Kilkenny alright?" I launched at the man without a second's hesitation.

"What, the little redhead?" The crewman asked, sounding a little put off that I wasn't asking something more relevant to what was happening. If only he knew how important this was.

"Ha- you've seen him? Yes- yes, my little brother. Is he ok?" I begged.

"Yeah, Scotty has him... He's just fine." The engineer added when I cried a bit, he just didn't recognize it as relief.

"Th-thank you so much!" I choked, closing the channel and running back towards the lift. I rode it right to the sickbay and was affronted by a horrifying sight; I fought back the sickness in my throat and steeled myself. I could help these people; I had to help these people. It was more than my job. I waded through the injured and dying until I found the face I was looking for.

"Kilkenny, where is your uniform?" McCoy shouted at me from across the room. I rushed over to him.

"I'm not on a shift." My reply was cool and straightforward, but we shared a look of deeper meaning.

"First aid to the newly admitted." He told me, resting a bloody hand on my T-shirt. My brown eyes bore into the older man's for a second longer before I nodded and wove between the bodies back to the entrance, pulling my long mahogany red curls into a ponytail as I went.

It was time to save some lives.

~*~

The quaking had stopped, the bombing had ceased. The halls, recently buzzing like a beehive, were now deathly quiet. I was to be found pounding my way down to Engineering and my baby brother, my echoing footfalls being the only source of noise. I came to a halt when I saw two figures approaching hand-in-hand. My lips tightened and my eyes narrowed, welling up with grateful tears.

"Eli!" I called to him, kneeling as he let go of our cousin's hand. His eyes swam when he saw me.

"Ella!" My youngest brother howled, running to me with tears streaming down his face. I caught him in a strong embrace. He sobbed on my shoulder and gripped my bloody shirt in his tiny five-year-old hands. I squeezed him and put a hand on his little head.

"Thank you... for keeping him safe." I told the man standing slightly apart from the emotional sight. He nodded solemnly and sent me the faintest flicker of a smile. My cousin Scotty wasn't one to be speechless, but there weren't many comforting or understanding words to be had right now.

Rapid footsteps announced the appearance of McCoy with my other brother Christian. He flung his arms around the pair of us and I felt him shudder and convulse. He muttered thanks and prayers quietly under his breath, the words coming out in a wispy croak.

McCoy stepped over to Scotty and clapped him on the back. They seemed sad, not piteous, but sad. Maybe they were sad for all the repairs that would need to be done, maybe they were sad for all the dead and wounded, or maybe they were sad for our unfortunate little family. Sad that my parents couldn't be part of the huddled, shivering mass before them. Not ever again. Sad that Eli had only known his mother and father a scant four years. Sad that Christian secretly still hasn't gotten over the pain from their premature deaths. Sad that I was only seventeen and had to be a parent for her two younger brothers.

But my poor, unfortunate, little family couldn't cry anything but tears of joy. Because we had lived one more day; survived one more tragedy; and got to share just one more moment together, as a family.


	2. When Ensigns Meet

The doors to the lift opened and I found myself on the bridge of the USS Enterprise. The vast emptiness of space stared in at me through the wide forward ports. It was beautiful and mysterious and captivating, but in all that I still found it kind of lonely and sad. In a weird way, I felt I held a bit of that empty space somewhere deep in my heart. Ever since the deaths of my parents, I had harbored a tiny chunk of space in my lonely, sad heart.

I was dragged out of my thoughts quite literally as Eli tugged on my hand. I let him lead me out of the lift before scooping him up onto my hip. He was chattering excitedly about this and that, here and there. He never ran out of things to say. It amazed me.

The bridge crew looked on with interest, hopefully without distain, as I walked over to the command chair, Christian sulking in my wake. He didn't like that I had made him come up as well. He felt he had better things to be doing than helping watch his little brother. As I approached Captain Kirk, he looked over and smiled that dashing grin of his.

"Eliot Kilkenny!" He greeted me broadly, like I was someone to behold. I returned his smile, much more subdued, but was cut short of replying, as Eli had picked that exact moment to get fidgety.

"Ella, Ella!" He called loudly, scrambling to look over my shoulder.

"Eli, use your inside voice." I prompted him, going slightly pink from embarrassment. Some of the crew gave me contemptuous looks before returning to their work. I mouthed a sorry to the helmsman and navigator, who were closest. They didn't seem to mind; they gave me small, understanding smiles before turning back around.

"Ella, look at that person! Look at her!" He bounced uncomfortably from my hip to my stomach as he tried to crawl over my shoulder, "She has pretty hair, doesn't she Ella?"

I half turned, about to apologize to whomever he was pestering. However, Eli finally succeeded in slipping over my shoulder and I only just caught his left ankle. He shrieked and giggled as he swung. I just shook my head and walked over to Captain Kirk.

"Take him." I said simply, holding the wiggling child out to him.

"Me?" He asked, scooting farther into his chair, like I was holding something poisonous out to him, "No way."

I righted Eli and plopped him down on the captain's lap. He sat there obediently because I was giving him a very motherly stare.

"Be good Eli." I commanded, and then walked away.

"Hey, I am not a babysitter." The captain called to me, turning in his chair.

"You are their babysitter," I motioned to Christian as well, who was giving me a cold, mutinous look, "Because they like you, and you're the only person available right now." He gave a short, harsh laugh.

" I am working." He said in a singsong, sarcastic tone. I pointed out my bright blue medical uniform.

"As am I, Captain." I said with trace amounts of playful venom, "Unless you want to be the one to explain to Chief Medical Officer McCoy why one of his nurses couldn't make it to her shift." I raised my eyebrows and put my hands on my hips.

"Have a good shift, Ensign Kilkenny." He replied shortly, ruffling Eli's rusty orange hair and turning back around.

"That's what I thought." I entered the lift, "Don't be any trouble!" I called to my brothers as the door closed.

~*~

I heaved a massive sigh as the nameless ensign finally dropped off to sleep. I could finally turn in for the night. I went to tell McCoy I was leaving.

"The ensign is asleep sir." I reported politely. McCoy gave me a tired glance and waved me off. I often worry about how hard he works, but he always does a perfect job, no matter how tired his eyes look. I left the sickbay with the intention of heading up to the bridge to relieve a surely exhausted Jim Kirk. However, I noticed my brothers off a ways harassing a curly haired crewman in a gold shirt. I sighed again.

"Boys, didn't I tell you to behave?" I called tiredly down the hall. I approached them quickly to apologize to the unfortunate boy. "I'm sorry if they were bothering you." The boy looked at me with bright eyes and a smile.

"Ees no trouble." He told me. His accent was thick, it was cute. I recognized him as the navigator from the bridge.

"Ella, Ella!" Eli ran and hugged me around my legs. ''Pavy was telling me such cool things!" His little hazel eyes sparkled and I couldn't help but smile.

"Was he?" I asked, patting his head. Eli nodded vigorously and went to take a PADD from "Pavy". He held up the screen to show me all sorts of complex diagrams and equations. I chuckled. Eli had an interest in engineering at five year old. Amazing.

"He has quite ze eenterest een micheenes." The navigator told me. It was hard to understand, but I got the idea. It was funny how he had echoed my thoughts.

"Yeah, he gets it from our cousin. Eli, give the boy his PADD back." I said, giving him a little push. I looked up to the silent Christian as Eli waddled back to the navigator, the device held high over his little orange head. My other brother gave me a look. The look. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, go. Be home by ten thirty at the latest!" I had to yell the last part, because Christian was already disappearing in the lift. I sighed, not with exhaustion but with sadness. I missed the look the navigator was giving me. It was scrutinizing, but not harsh. He was looking at me curiously, not unlike my youngest brother had undoubtedly looked at those engineering schematics.

"Thanks for bringing them down here." I addressed the navigator. He looked surprised, "I didn't assume the captain to bring them himself, of course." I anticipated his question.

"Ees no trouble." He repeated himself. I gave him a quick, appreciative smile. He returned it. I looked over to my brother.

"I should probably get you home, huh?" I asked Eli, balancing him on my hip, "It's almost your bed time." He whined, but I started for the lift regardless. The navigator followed me in; I didn't think anything of it, he was probably headed back up to the bridge. The doors hissed open at the appropriate level and I set Eli down.

"Go on then. Try to beat me there." I told him, giving him another playful push. He shrieked and tore off for our quarters. I shook my head, a small smile playing on my lips.

"He ees wery happy child." The navigator said behind me, "He ees yoor's?" I didn't understand what he meant at first, but then my face broke in surprise.

"Oh! Oh God no!" I tried to laugh, "What, do I look like a skank or something?" I joked, but the navigator didn't pick up on it.

"No! No, yoo are too preetty to be zis 'skank' you speek oof. Ees note wat I meent." He looked uncomfortable. I waved away his apology.

"He's my little brother. Him and Christian." I explained, ''I am nowhere near old enough to have kids." There was a pause.

"Yoo speek to ze Keptin een wery odd way." He said out of nowhere. I laughed a little.

"When you work for Doctor McCoy, you tend to have a lot of lee-way in an argument with Captain Kirk. You can assume a certain amount of rudeness as well." I added with a knowing smile. The navigator smiled in bemusement. There was another awkward pause interrupted only by Eli calling to me from down the hall.

"Ella! You're not even trying!" He whined. I told him to hush and sent the navigator a look I hoped he'd understand.

"I should go." I pointed vaguely towards the impatient little kid down the hall. He gave me an awkward half nod, half smile. I started to walk away.

''Ensign Chekov, Pavel Andreievich." He called in a sort of struggled way, like he almost meant not to. I turned back around.

"Ensign Kilkenny, Eliot Laine." I hesitated slightly. I smiled and waved before chasing after Eli. He giggled and screamed anew as I caught up to him and scooped him up. I spun him around, tucked him under my arm and set off again, all the while laughing. I had gone around the corner before the doors to the lift slid shut. I didn't see Pavel grinning amusedly or hear him sigh in a happy sort of way.


	3. Red Alert

At our next red alert, I was much more at ease. I was already on my shift, not caught off-guard in the cafeteria; and this time I wouldn't need to run off to find my little brothers, because they were safe on the bridge with the captain. Despite his protests to take them every single time I asked, Captain Kirk liked my brothers and wouldn't let them get hurt.

"First aid, short stuff." McCoy told me quickly in passing just as the first wave of wounded hit us. The use of my nickname was enough to let me know that he was calm, for now at least.

It wasn't a relaxed atmosphere for long though. I dealt well with pressure, but I always freaked myself out. I was a good nurse, I worked diligently and was meticulous to the end, but I didn't do well with death. I hadn't been in the business long enough to become numb to it. I couldn't just say "He's dead, Jim", like McCoy; I still cared for every one of my patients as if I knew them before they were shoved into sickbay, which is a dangerous thing to do in medicine. You can't become attached. You're going to lose some people, a lot of people. McCoy told me that all the time.

However, when my two brothers came in, Christian supporting a woozy Ensign Pavel Andreievich Chekov, I had every reason to take the situation personally.

"Ella!" Eli ran to me, pointing at Pavel, ''Pavy got hurt, can you help him, Ella?" His little eyes swam. I pushed him towards the door.

"Yes I can, but you shouldn't be here!" I scolded him. I looked at Christian angrily. He stared defiantly back.

"We want to help.'' I had never heard such strength in his voice before. I met his gaze evenly. I nodded. Christian moved the barely conscious Chekov to a sickbed; he was being gentle with the navigator's head. Me heart beat way too fast as his eyes closed and he mumbled quietly to himself.

"Eli," I looked down at my brave little brother; he wasn't crying anymore. My heart about burst with pride, ''Keep that man over there awake. Talk to him, ask him things. Just don't let him fall asleep." Eli nodded and headed off to the engineer I had pointed out.

"I'll get the wounded to beds." Christan said. I nodded and tried to smile.

"Do what you can." I said this small sentence quietly, but without regret. I knew he could handle minor things. He could at least keep people conscious. I moved to stand beside Pavel as Christian moved away.

"Ensign Chekov?" I asked tentatively. He was still talking to himself, "Ensign Chekov?" I asked louder.

"Call me Pavel..." I heard him whisper. I smiled; he was still with me. On a hunch, from watching Christian, I checked the back of Pavel's head with a gentle, searching hand, which came back bloody. I cleared my throat, which had become very constricted, as I went to retrieve some bandages. Wrapping his head was quick and easy, Pavel was stable, I had other newly admitted patients, and yet I didn't leave.

"We have a lot of sick people here, short stuff!" McCoy barked at me as I checked Pavel's vitals for the third time.

"Yes sir, sorry sir." I apologized, checking my patient over one last time before hurrying to another sickbed.

~*~

Soon things were peaceful again, or at least as peaceful as a sickbay can be. The waves of sick and wounded had stopped, and the rest were stabilized. The healing could begin now.

I flopped down on a chair beside McCoy and heaved a huge sigh. He gave me a sideways look and maybe smiled a bit. People in our profession don't need to talk to communicate our feelings, we know what the other is feeling; even if McCoy didn't show it, I knew he was feeling the same as me.

All was well and quiet like that until the sobs of my youngest brother tore the silence apart. McCoy and I exchanged a glance but didn't have time to find him, he found us. Wailing but coherent, Eli ran up to us.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He repeated, sobbing like only a five-year-old can. McCoy held open his arms.

"Come here, Bug." His voice was very soft. Eli clambered up onto McCoy's lap, "What happened?" He asked, even though both he and I knew what was wrong. I tried to look brave for my brother.

"I-I was talking to that man. And-and I w-was telling-telling him about m-my friend Georgie, b-but th-then he closed his-his eyes. Ella-Ella told me n-not to let him g-go to-to sleep, b-but I couldn't--" He sobbed and buried his head in McCoy's chest. I let a tear escape; why did I let Eli help? He didn't need to know death yet, he was just a kid.

McCoy gave him a soft pat on the head and handed me the small upset child. He went to cover the man's body and I hugged my brother; I squeezed my eyes shut as tears poured down my face. How could I let my tiny little brother experience something so terrible?

Holding him tight, I carried Eli over to his brother. Christian was watching over Pavel; he and Eli had really bonded with the young navigator. Christian held open his arms to accept our youngest sibling so I could check Pavel's vitals. Knowing at least he was ok calmed me enough to stop crying.


	4. Language Barrier

**Notice:**

**I have recently re-read my chapters on this site to gain some inspiration for this chapter and was appalled by the grammar.**

**I have this weird pen that records my handwriting and turns it into a word document. Little did I know, my handwriting isn't all that legible, and some things got lost in translation.**

**I apologize for any grammar mistakes. I typed this one myself, so it should be much more acceptable.**

**And thanks to everyone who is reading/ reviewing!**

* * *

We woke up the next morning in the same places we fell asleep. Eli was cuddled into his brother's arms, idly sucking his thumb; I stiffly rose out of another chair by the machines that were monitoring Pavel. I softly removed Eli's thumb from his mouth and smoothed Christian's blond hair. The day after a red alert was always very surreal.

McCoy may have let me fall asleep, but my work wasn't quite finished. I had to record patient information into the system; if it was relevant it got entered, and everything was relevant. It really wasn't too much work in this day and age if you typed directly into the system; I did not. I liked hard copies, something to hold, something real, so entering data was a pain.

In a time when actual ink pens were scarce and obsolete, I always had one with me. In a world where pads of paper had been replaced by PADDs, I had a library of spiral notebooks. In an entirely electronic universe I liked to handwrite anything and everything. It comforts me. But maybe I'm just different.

My pen was working its way across the page to my own rhythm, ticking away the raw data. I was pretty in the zone until I heard something.

"Ayleeote." I stopped writing for a moment to listen harder.

"Ayleeote." The voice repeated. I shrugged and went back to work; that wasn't my name.

I tried to find a beat to write to again. A hand fell on my back and I jumped, throwing my pen across the sickbay with surprise. It rolled off somewhere, probably never to be found. I looked up into the eyes of Ensign Chekov.

"Ayleeote." He said again. Holy shit, that was my name. Somewhere in that mess of vowels was the name Eliot.

"Ensign Chekov, you scared me." I put my hand over my heart and willed it to stop beating so fast. This was hard, because looking into those bright eyes made is race.

"I thoht I asked yoo to caull me Pavel." He chided me and smiled.

"Yeah, you did." I laughed a little. A pause.

"Why deed yoo note answer me wen I caulled yoor name?" He asked to break the silence. I simply laughed again and gave him a look, "Ees my accent?"

"Yes," I told him. He looked a little crestfallen, "It's cute thought." I added without thinking, and then grimaced.

"Wat?" He asked. Maybe he didn't hear me.

"It's a good accent." I corrected myself, hoping he didn't notice. I felt my cheeks grow a bit warmer.

"Ees Russian." He informed me, swelling a bit with what I assumed to be pride.

"Russian?" I asked with interest.

"Da." He answered.

"Duh?" I asked, confused.

"Da." He repeated. My eyebrows dipped, trying to understand, "D-ah." He stressed.

"Oh! Da." I said, but no comprehension dawned on my face.

"Meens yes." Pavel said.

"In Russian?"

"Da."

~*~

Later, I was up in the cafeteria on a quick lunch break. I shoveled some food into my mouth, took a drink, looked over to the medical report I was supposed to be reading, then choked down some more of my sandwich instead. I was so absorbed that I didn't notice someone come up behind me and look over my shoulder. I jumped for the second time that day, sending the report flying all over my table, when that same person tapped me. I once again found my eyes meeting those of a certain Pavel Chekov.

"Ensign Chekov." I sighed, trying to slow my breathing. He picked up my scattered papers and sat down at my table.

"I thoht I asked yoo to caull me Pavel." He echoed himself from a few hours previous. I swiped my bangs out of my face and gave him a playful smirk.

"Then maybe you should stop sneaking up on me and scaring me." I leaned in as I said this and laughed. He flashed me that adorable smile.

"I do note sneek." I gave him the same smirk and sat straight.

"Sorry, you stalk." I joked. His smile never faltered.

"Maybee a leetle." He said. I shook my head and thought that I didn't mind so much.

"You shouldn't be here." I said seriously after a while, "You need time to recover." He shrugged and pulled something out of his pocket.

"I saw yoo drope zis." He handed me my pen, "Thoht I shood return eet to yoo. Oond I became hungry." He added. I took the pen and shook my head disbelievingly again.

"They have food in sickbay for patients." I called after him as he went to the food replicator.

"I do note much care foor zat food." He said as he sat back down across from me, "Oond I weeshed to eet weeth yoo." My cheeks burned a bit at the look he was giving me.

We talked idly for a while. I tried to eat slowly so as not to finish before Pavel. Eventually he pointed to my pen, now on top of the medical report.

"I see yoo handwrite." He said. I looked up at him, he just looked curious. I shrugged carelessly.

"It keeps me human." I said simply, but somewhere deep in that sentence was a truth. Pavel nodded. I wondered if he had caught it. Regardless, he didn't ask anymore about my unusual habit.

"Alright," I said once we had finished, "I have to get you back down to sickbay. McCoy will kill me for letting you escape." He smiled. Ha, if only he knew.

We got rid of our trash and walked towards the nearest lift. We stood in silence as it brought us noiselessly down to the appropriate level. We exited and I crossed my arms over my chest, walking slowly.

"So..." I started. Pavel looked over at me, "How did you end up in sickbay?" He looked forward again.

"Wen ze ship shook, I waas reporting to ze Keptin, turned around een ze chair." He crossed his arms too, "Oond ze shaking forced me out oof ze chair. I do note reemember how I hert my head." It was my time to let my arms fall and look over to him. We stopped outside the doors to the sickbay. He turned towards me.

"Are you alright?" I asked. Despite being his nurse; despite having doubtless more medical expertise; despite checking his vitals countless times, I asked. But it didn't feel stupid. I just needed to hear it from him, to be reassured.

Pavel smiled faintly down at me, gazed into my wide, worried eyes, and just barely held onto my hand.

"I am well," He said quietly, holding my hand just a bit tighter, "Because yoo are watching over me."


	5. The Little Engineer

Sorry it took a while to get this out. I haven't had much concentration. My little brother's band is always playing anymore, getting ready for this Tri-C Rock Off thing they're competing in at the end of the month.

**Anyway, this is just a bit of fluff before the heavy chapter coming next. That one should be out tomorrow if I have a snow day (likely), Saturday if not.**

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! I love to read some feedback, and it puts me in the mood to write. Thanks again.**

**Enjoy! Tell me what you think.**

* * *

It was a few days after the last attack on the ship. Pavel and I had spent a lot of time together since he was admitted, because I wouldn't let him leave; mostly due to him needing to recover and constant medical attention, but also partially because I didn't want him to leave. The tiny, strangled, sad little chunk of space in my heart got so much smaller and about disappeared when he was with me. My instinct screamed to keep him by my side. But he didn't seem to ever mind, and that only made me that much happier.

It was on the day that I finally saw fit to dismiss him that the crew of the Enterprise got some much appreciated news. Pavel and I were inadvertently some of the first to find out. We were going to pick Eli up from Engineering, where Scotty was babysitting; actually, not so much of babysitting and tutoring. Eli wanted to know everything about anything our cousin knew.

We walked into the humid atmosphere of the Engineering section of the ship, the hum of machines and snapping of repair tools assaulting us as we strolled along the catwalk. Pavel was running a hand through his curls on the back of his head, probably grateful to finally have the bandages off. I pulled his arm back down to his side.

"Don't mess with it. You act like I screwed up your hair or something." I kidded him. He smiled and gave my hand a squeeze. I felt myself blush like a fool. I looked farther down the catwalk, hoping he didn't see.

"I trust yoor mideecal adwice." He said, and I melted even more. There wasn't much use trying to deny it, or hide it; but I tried my best anyway. I could tell myself it worked.

We found the two soon; Scotty was working at a console, Eli sitting on his knee. He looked positively ecstatic about whatever it was they were doing. He pointed to a screen, said something animatedly to Scotty, and punched in some sequence of keys with his little fingers. The screen suddenly flashed green. Scotty flung his arms up in surprise and yelled something; he ruffled Eli's hair roughly in his excitement, causing Eli to giggle. Eli noticed Pavel and I watching the two of them a few moments later. I caught him and gave him a quick hug.

"How're you doing, hun?" I asked him. He pulled me over to the console Scotty was pouring over again and pointed to the screen, which was still glowing a bright green.

"I was helping Cousin Monty fix the ship!" He said simply, but looking immensely proud of himself, "Ella, why is your face all red?"

"Oh, nothing. It's just... hot in here." I blushed even more, still hoping I could hide my face behind my bangs. I cleared my throat and looked over Scotty's shoulder. Pavel grabbed Eli and tickled him while I talked with my cousin.

"How are the repairs going, Cuz?" I asked him, with an undertone of seriousness. Looking at all the knobs, switches, and buttons made my head spin. Scotty swiveled in his chair and looked a little more worn than he had previously sounded.

"Not as well as we'd a hoped." He told me. He sounded and looked tired, but I couldn't hide a small smile at my cousin's accent; it was funny and endearing, but I was glad not to share it, "Not sure I can fix everything with wha' we've got here, despite that little genius o'er there." He joked.

"He tries." I said, but Scotty gave me a look that meant he was actually serious, at least a little.

"I dunno." He said, sighing a bit, taking a sweeping look over the Engineering bay, "I was thinkin-"

"Ella," Eli interrupted, having been listening to the conversation, "We're gonna get shore leave!"

~*~

Later that night as my brother, Pavel and I were having a family dinner in the cafeteria, we got the formal confirmation. The Captain's boyish face popped to life on the viewscreens along the walls.

"Attention all crew members of the USS Enterprise." Jim started formally enough, "I received a report from Engineering today with information about the ongoing repairs to the ship after our last run-in with the Klingons. It is Scotty's opinion that we can't limp around the universe, trying to repair the ship, for much longer without getting into another situation." Jim stopped him to smile knowingly, as the crew laughed good-naturedly. The Enterprise seemed to be everyone's Public Enemy #1.

"It seems that more assistance is required to restore-" But Jim was cut off by Scotty yelling over him.

"I don't need en-ay help, I just don' have the right tools!" He shouted defensively.

"Ok, you heard the man, don't listen to me." Jim shook his head and looked amused, "To gain access to the tools we need, we'll be docking at the Earth's spaceport. As these repairs may take a while and you are all desperately in need of a tan, I am allowing shore leave for five days, starting tomorrow afternoon when we reach Earth's orbit. Have fun, everybody. Kirk out." The viewscreen blinked off to immediate cries of happiness. Excited chatter broke out through the cafeteria and Christian punched the air victoriously.

"Ella, we get to go to Earth, we get to go to Earth!" Eli cheered, bolting out of his seat and crawling up onto my lap, grinning widely in my face, "We get to go home, we can go see mama and daddy."

~*~

Everybody was looking forward to getting some fresh, natural air.

The next afternoon my family was waiting in line for the shuttles. We were getting some dirty looks from passing Engineers, who weren't allowed to leave. This is why I chose medical. I could get shore leave. I smiled and waved as one Engineer gave me a particularly nasty stink eye.

"Ayleeote!" I heard behind me. I turned around to see Pavel pushing his way through the crowd.

"Hey hun." I said, openly accepting the hug he offered me. I caught the wry look a knowing Christian was throwing me. I screwed up his hair when Pavel ducked down to give a jealous and needy Eli a hug as well.

"I may come weeth yoo, da?" Pavel asked me after shaking Christian's hand. I cocked my head to the side, opening my mouth to say something, when Eli cut in.

"Yeah, Pavy can come see mama and daddy with us!" He said excitedly. Of course he didn't realize the portent behind such a simple thing. I looked at Pavel searchingly and would have said something to the contrary, if he had not been smiling widely and nodding at me.

"I wood luff to meet yoor parents." He confirmed. I looked uncertain, but welcomed him to come. Honestly I would love for him to never leave, but still, wouldn't it be a little awkward for him? All the same, we boarded a shuttle and jettisoned off for the planet's surface. It was too late to tell him that it wasn't for the best, that it would be weird for him, now. And as I looked out over our beautiful blue planet, a thought finally occurred to me.

Did he even know?


	6. First Snow

**Luck was on my side. We got our snow day.**

**So, as promised, here is the super heavy chapter 6.**

**It made me all emotional, of course.**

**Enjoy!**

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It was a gray, cold January day. It would figure that our first time on solid ground in about a year was during the dead of winter. Snow had fallen the night before, but the sky was clear now; stark gray-white, but clear.

This was the first snow I had seen since I joined Starfleet. Everything had to happen so fast after mom and dad died; I didn't wait through the winter to get blasted into space. Having two little brothers and nowhere to go, special measures were made for me. I had been taking nursing classes in our community college throughout high school, which turned out to be lucky. I joined Starfleet after they died, hearing that I could possibly take my brothers into space with me. Having Scotty, an important and influential member on the USS Enterprise, helped too. He argued my case and I got a crash course in basic training; I was shoved into the medical focus. You don't need much training to be a nurse, and I already had that. We were aboard the Enterprise in a matter of weeks after the funeral.

The graveyard was empty today, save for the four of us, and peaceful. We trudged through the thick blanket of snow, not making any noise. It would have been a tragedy to break this respectful silence. Our breath billowed out into the otherwise still air in little clouds. Trees bare of leaves now held canopies of heavy snow. A songbird's musical voice called across the expansive lawn. For a few moments I let myself forget we were in a graveyard, going to see my dead parents.

We stopped at some point, my family from experience, Pavel from watching the three of us. It was just a single headstone, my parents had always expressed an interest in sharing one; and because we only had enough money in the family account for one. It was a plain, shining black monument about chest-high with the cutout of a cross visually splitting it in half. I ran a hand over the sleek surface, the snow yielding to my touch and sliding away. My dad was to the left, my mom to the right.

_Rufus "Rusty" Kilkenny Janice "Jeanie" Kilkenny_

_ Devoted Father Loving Mother_

The rest was obscured by snow still; I didn't need to read the date they died to know it happened a year and a half ago. My eyes stung, but I defiantly, stupidly, told myself it was from the cold. I could not cry now.

"Go ahead, Eli." Christian's voice sounded strange in the serenity of the cemetery. My little brother staggered forward a little awkwardly, the memorial wreath held over his head. He leaned it gently against the tombstone and knelled so as to brush off the rest of the words.

"I like to read it all." Eli said, just to say something. I knew he would, and I didn't stop him; he read that tombstone every time we visited. Maybe it helped him relate and understand the stone-cold reality of it: that our parents, the man who had fathered us and the woman who had birthed us, were lying forever under our feet, just out of reach.

Like most everything in their short lives, my parents shared the day they died too. It would make them happy, I imagine. It was darkly romantic. There was a long silence, Eli kneeling rather reverently in the snow, the rest of us staring down at the words etched into the stone, thinking.

"_They leave no children, They leave a family._" Christian read from the bottom of the headstone. We considered this next, silently of course. Maybe other visitors who stopped to read the grave would feel sad that the couple never lived to have children, not knowing the meaning. Rusty and Jeanie didn't die caretakers, leaving behind desperate kids; they died parents with mature, grown children, children who could handle themselves in this world. Children who would not let this world get them down, not for a second.

"I'm cold now." Eli said a bit later, standing to take Christian's hand. I gave him the keys to the car I'd rented to get us to this secluded cemetery in northern Washington state, to our hometown back when life was effortless. He understood I wanted to stay, without having to ask. Being the oldest, I had known them the longest. I'd have some things to say.

"I deed note know." Pavel said quietly after my brothers had gone. I nodded slightly.

"I didn't expect you to." I said just as softly.

"I-" He started, looking over to me,"-am soory." I looked into his eyes and tried to smile. My heart raced. I don't know how many times I'd heard that, and every time was the same. I appreciated the gesture, but I didn't want pity. Did anyone ever want pity? I didn't want people to share my pain, it was mine to hold. But still, what else do you say at such a time?

"You don't have to be sorry." I said with meaning. He nodded. I looked back to the grave and clasped Pavel's hand loosely as I let myself cry a few tears.

"Eef yoo do note weesh me to be soory," He said quietly, stressing what I had said, "I will just be heere foor yoo." He said, twisting my words. I looked at him appreciatively; it was an incredibly sweet thing to say. He reached over with his other hand to wipe away the trails left on my pale cheeks. We looked forward again, still grasping the other's hand lightly.

"How deed eet hauppen?" He asked hesitantly. It would maybe be a bad question to ask some people, but it didn't offend me. He just wanted to understand, and I got that.

"Shuttle malfunction." I replied, still staring at the grave, but not really seeing it. I let my eyes just rest, "They were on route to a vacation off planet. Their second honeymoon. The hull was cracked during the take off..." I looked up into the sky, entertaining the idea that they could see me, and that they would be smiling down on me, "Death was... almost instantaneous."

It was hard to think that my parents had suffered, if only for a few seconds. I would never wish a slow death on anyone, especially not my own parents. But, I had always imagined them to die easily in their sleep, much older, together. At least I got the last part right.

"Ees note eezay to looz boz parents, I azoom." Pavel said.

"Father." I said absentmindedly, instantly regretting having admitted it here, standing over my mother's body, "It's not easy to lose a... father." I carried on anyway. Pavel gave me a quizzical look. I snatched a glance at him, and then looked back to the headstone in frustration. I shouldn't have said it, but I should at least explain myself. I didn't want to look like a cold-hearted monster, especially not to Pavel.

"My... mother," I started slowly, "and I didn't really-" I stopped, trying to find the right words. Is there any respectful, soft way to say that I hated her? There wasn't, not if I wanted to honest, "We didn't really have the same views."

"Wat about?" Pavel asked, softening a bit when he saw I was struggling. My lips became a tight little line and I shook my head very slightly, very quickly, now glaring down at the tombstone.

"Everything..." I whispered, "Everything!" I repeated, my voice cracking a bit and my eyes welling up. I threw my arms in the air, as if to admit defeat. My lips quivered and I turned my back to Pavel, taking a few steps away from him and crossing my arms. I stared stubbornly over the flat, expansive cemetery, not caring that I couldn't focus on anything with my leaking eyes. My mind was turning, my stomach clenched.

"Clothes, friends, my future." I said in a tone betraying my deep-seated hurt, "It didn't matter. Whatever it was, we would disagree. And scream. And fight." I lowered my head and squeezed my eyes shut to the world, "And then she died! The bitch died, before I could make things better!" I screamed, finally succumbing to the sobs that racked my body.

I felt strong arms around my shaking shoulders and a gentle hand rubbing my back. I didn't do anything to return Pavel's embrace. I didn't deserve to be comforted; I was a horrible daughter and a worse person. He called to me softly, trying to soothe me, trying to get me to look at him. But I still kept my eyes firmly shut.

"Ayleeote!" He finally yelled at me, "Looke at me!" I was so alarmed by the fire in his voice that I obeyed. His face was so full of emotion, "Stope zis." He commanded. I made a noise but he cut me off.

"Yoo are a beautiful, woonderful pearson." He told me, his voice suddenly very deep and serious, "Stope zis." And then he pulled me towards him; I accepted, throwing my arms around his waist. I felt him lay his head on mine and stroke my hair.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, but eventually I pulled away and silently approached my parents' grave one last time. I kneeled before it and kissed each side of the cross, right on top of their names.

"Sorry we missed Christmas. I love you both." Was all I had to say.


	7. A Captain's Surprise

**Well, I didn't mean to do it like this, but I have to.**

**I never intended this to be a separate chapter (hence the length), BUT if I didn't split it up, it would have been SO long.**

**So this is for now. To buy me some time to write the next chapter. The chapter I have had in my head since character creation. So it needs to be perfect.**

**Patience. Have patience and you will be pleased! Haha..**

**Oh, and Ac Colins: you are the best reader EVER. I love your reviews! And thanks to everyone else who's reading and reviewing.**

**Enjoy!**

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We spent the rest of our shore leave relaxing in sunny San Francisco. What a change in temperature! It was almost like we had stepped back in time to early fall. They were having the "Indian Summer" typical to this time of year, so everyone was outside when we dropped the rental car off in the city. I was glad for the warm weather; I about froze in Washington.

Christian went off on his own to visit friends he'd left behind while the rest of us went to the beach. It was good to see Eli acting like a kid again. He was splashing around in the shallows with some local children; he shrieked and giggled, just generally being unruly. It made me warm and happy deep in my heart. It hurt to know we had to be removed from this kind of thing anymore.

Eventually some other Starfleet personnel joined us on the beach, maybe to carry out the captain's advice and catch some rays. Some Cadets, still attending classes at the Academy, who had apparently just finished midterms, were taking advantage of the weird weather too. It was funny to see Cadet seniors boss around the underclassmen, then get put in their place by those of us on shore leave. Even an Ensign is higher up than a Cadet.

It was a good time. It almost felt normal.

It was sad to board the shuttles in the afternoon of the last day. Sad, but not terribly so. At least we were going back to something familiar. We'd all soon be back in the rhythm of everyday life aboard the _Enterprise_.

As the fleet of shuttles took off for the space dock, I was sure to take a last, rather longing look at the Earth. Who knows when we'd see it again, let alone get shore leave? How many more Christmases would pass before I got to talk to mom and dad again? I tried not to think about that and turned forward just as the viewscreens in all the shuttles simultaneously blinked on. We weren't surprised to see a much tanner Jim Kirk grinning slyly at us. McCoy had told me about that look, nothing good could come from it. He was plotting.

"Attention crew." The captain said, "In honor of the rapid and successful repairs, as well as for all of the selfless engineers who worked while you all played, we're going to have a little shindig in the cafeteria at 21:00 hours. My treat for a job well done. Kirk out."

It really was a good deal being assigned to the _Enterprise_. The party never really ended with the infamous Jim Kirk as captain. He was notorious. Not that any of us minded, and all of us would attend; it was one last night to forgo responsibility, and who wanted to deny the captain a chance to host a party for us?

Kirk parties meant alcohol, potent alcohol in abundant supply. And potent, abundant alcohol meant lowered inhibitions. Which could mean anything. Only one thing was certain: something would happen. Thusly, I cheered and giggled with the rest of the female crew, while the boys flashed mischievous smirks.

The captain apparently wasn't the only one plotting something.

~*~

I was generally happy with my appearance. I was wearing a sapphire blue a-line dress with a black, cropped, zippered jacket over top. My tights were opaque black, off-setting the shiny buckles going down my chunky knee-high flat boots. I had opted for big silver hoop earrings and thick black eyeliner. My hair was the same as ever: mahogany-red loose curls. I knew better than to try to mess with it.

"Eliot, come on!" Christian called impatiently. He was looking particularly Christian tonight, (wearing a white button-down shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, dark wash skinny jeans, and a red studded belt) because Jim told him he was old enough to come to these parties now. I disagreed, because he was still just too young to drive; but he was too old for a babysitter now, I reminded myself. Jim Kirk was also a horrible influence, of course. But I conceded to let him come; he'd just sneak in anyway if I didn't. Jim would probably help him. I know those two all too well.

"Ok." I walked over through the door and it hissed shut behind us, "Now you're sure that--"

"Yes, Eliot. The McNallys' said they don't mind watching him in the slightest." Christian characteristically cut me off. He had taken Eli down the hall to a nice family with children Eli liked to play with for the night. Mr. And Mrs. McNally were a middle-aged couple with some children Eli's age and a dislike of parties; it worked out. It also wouldn't be their first time taking him, but still I worried.

"Are you sure? Because I could--" I tried to start.

"Not in the slightest they said." Christian repeated to me slowly. He smiled good-naturedly at me and punched my arm, "Try to have a good time."

We had arrived at the cafeteria and I looked around the crowd of guys amassed outside the doors, most looking around for a girl to escort in. I tried to make it look like I wasn't desperately searching for someone. My brown eyes connected with Pavel's at exactly the same time; I saw his eyes widen, and maybe mine did the same, because how could you not? He was wearing a black button-down shirt, an unbuttoned, faded forest green suede vest over it. Pavel looked good, and as he made his way over to me, a hand running through his adorable curls, his eyes never leaving mine, I could only hope he was thinking the same about me.

"I think I'll manage." I said quietly to Christian, who smirked at me before passing through the doors. A grin was spreading over my face, reaching right up into my eyes.


	8. Dance With Me

Well, here it is! The chapter I've been waiting for (and hopefully you all were waiting for).

**I've been building it up for a while and hope I deliver.**

**Not much else to say, except that I told you. It's HUGE. Seriously, it took a night and a half to type.**

**Thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing. Keep the reviews coming!**

**Enjoy, everyone!**

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By 22:00 the party was gearing up. The lights were dimmed, colored flashes splashed the walls, the music was pounding, and Pavel and I were trying to get into it. Things were a little awkward; we didn't really know how to act around each other in a situation like this. It was a party, the music had heart-stopping bass, we were two hormonal teenagers; and yet we weren't dancing, we weren't really talking much, and we definitely weren't looking at each other. I blushed just thinking about him.

Eventually Pavel had to go to the bathroom or something like that and I was left standing on the outskirts by myself. I flagged down McCoy, who was holding a shot of some vile orange substance. I snatched it from his hand and downed it before he could stop me.

"Hey!" He cried as I gave him the empty shot glass back, "Did you even know what that was?" He asked, half angry, half impressed.

"Liquid courage." I said tiredly before I let myself get pulled onto the dance floor by a circle of girls I had got to know during my weeks at the Academy.

I started to let myself go, reveling in the loud music and tried to ignore the quiet burning in my stomach. I tried to tell myself I liked it too, but I just didn't drink; it wasn't pleasant. But when I found Pavel next I would be a bit braver. So until then I danced away the searing of my insides.

It was hard to dance to this music though. There wasn't anything to sway to unless you liked too much bass and screeching treble. I didn't like today's music, my generation's music; nobody sang anymore. Machines spat out a beat to move to, but without lyrics it was all rather soulless.

"I'm gonna go request something." I said to whomever I was currently dancing with.

"What...?" One of the girls drawled unnecessarily loud in my ear. I backed away and started again, screaming over the music then stopped. I simply gave them the peace sign and left. Whatever, I wouldn't remember them either, right?

"Eliot!" A slurred voice called to me as I approached the sound system and whoever was controlling the steady stream of noise. Said voice belonged to a very drunk, but still dastardly handsome, Jim Kirk, who was appropriately dressed in a bed-sheet toga; coincidentally, he was also the person working the sound.

"Hey captain." I shouted back. He gave me a funny look.

"Captain!" He yelled, snorting with laughter, "My name is Jim."

"Can you play some stuff off this?" I asked, trying to move the conversation along; there was a certain Ensign I was eager to get back to, of course. I handed Jim my PADD. He gave me an appraising look.

"Will they like this?" He asked, looking from the PADD to my face, one eyebrow rising into his bangs. I smiled confidently, spurred on by the shot.

"I'll make them like it." He shrugged and switched in my music. There was murmuring followed by booing as Passion Pit's "Sleepyhead" came on. I grabbed the microphone from Jim, who was muttering something about having told me so, and walked to the edge of the stage.

"Hey, you can still dance to this!" My amplified voice carried over the music as I tried to mollify the crowd, "Dance to the lyrics." I clarified.

"And how do you suggest we do that?" Some angry girls spat at me. I laughed at their looks and felt rather playful.

"Dance how the words say to! Let the lyrics move you."

"Show us!" Some drunken guy piped up, sharing a laugh and missed high-fives with his friends.

"Fine, I will." I said, pretending that I wasn't being made fun of. I handed Jim the microphone just as Space Cowboys' "Falling Down" started.

I let my hand tap out the beat before launching in with my hips. They swayed to the bass, to keep my rhythm. My head swiveled with the higher beat, my hair falling over my face; it didn't matter, because my eyes were closed, just listening to the music.

Then the lyrics started and it was time to prove myself. I let my hands slide across my thighs, tapping out a good run, as I dipped; they were thrown into the air with the lyrical punches, then coming back down to twist through my hair. Whatever the voice sounded like I portrayed through my moves. I mouth worked the words and I sang quietly to myself the whole.

By the time the female voice broke though, I had a good portion of the brave ones on my side. It was a weird sight, everyone breaking down the old dancing habits they held; everyone was trying new ways to move their bodies. I laughed and whipped my hair up with the closing drag of the song. The crowd cheered and I blushed.

"Let's keep this going!" Jim yelled over the microphone, clapping for me. I crossed my arms self-consciously but laughed. I brushed my bangs out of my eyes and went to work to crowd as 3OH!3's "Starstrukk" blasted through the speakers. The dance floor was a writhing mass of unpredictable motion now and I laughed giddily at the chaos I had caused.

"Come on Spock, get in touch with your hips!" I yelled to the stick-straight and clearly sober commander. I tried to dance with him for a few seconds without results. I rolled my eyes and dragged Uhura over from her group of friends.

"Show him!" I laughed at her. She giggled back and took the Vulcan's hands. He looked to be trying a bit harder as I left. I grinned, feeling quite proud.

I made my way over to a group of awkward looking engineers. I got them started by the time "Poppin' Champagne" by All Time Low came on. I was a dancing fool, just letting everything else pass me by. I clapped in excitement and jumped to the music. A few songs later the guys looked like they'd been doing this as long as they had been fixing engines. I felt a presence behind me, and I stopped jumping.

"Yoo are makink me jailoos." A voice whispered past my ear. I shivered as Pavel's breath blew across my neck.

"Then maybe you should ask to cut in." I told him, quietly but intensely. I felt him smile beside me.

"Gental-men." Pavel said to the group of dancing engineers, "I am afrayd I moost steel yoor dance partnare." They protested and complained, probably not wanting to dance, four guys, by themselves; but Pavel ignored them and lead me to a different part of the floor. All around us there were people moving and laughing. It was contagious and soon Pavel and I were dancing together.

After several songs of not looking at each other and generally feeling awkward, the opening notes of Pitbull's "I Know You Want Me" switched on. I knew the progression and thought about what I wanted. I wanted Pavel. And so I decided to move things along. At the first big hit, I threw my hair out of my face, looked him dead in the eyes, and drew closer. We danced the same, but never lost eye contact; and everything was suddenly much more obvious, being nearer. Suddenly the hesitation was gone.

It was at midnight that the first slow song found us. People paired up and just sort of swayed, like at an old middle school dance. The girls giggled flirtatiously and the guys pretended they didn't want to, even though they totally did. Some things never change, no matter the century.

The song was "The Saltwater Room" by Owl City, and I couldn't have picked anything better. Pavel gave me an uncertain look, but I just smiled the smallest of smiles and crossed my arms behind his head. I felt him hold my waist just as the words started. I closed my eyes and sang.

"Yoo sink well." He said quietly as we rocked. I just looked up into his eyes, not wanting to say anything. I played with the curls on the back of his head and secretly sighed at the lyrics "What will it take to make of break this hint of love".

The next song was "Don't Phunk With My Heart" by The Black Eyed Peas; it was upbeat, so everyone broke apart. But I didn't want to let go, so I held on and smirked mischievously at Pavel. He grinned, got the message, and we danced close like that. The room was suddenly very hot, and after a few verses I saw some sweat slide down Pavel's face. It was alright, because I couldn't much help myself either; I bit my lip and smiled. At some point during the chorus it looked like maybe he was going to say something; I hoped to hear what I wanted him to tell me.

"Eliot!" But the voice wasn't his. The accent wasn't Russian but Scottish. And, being roughly turned around, wasn't looking into Pavel's sweet face but that of my cousin.

Often times had I seen Scotty drunk; rarely had I seen him trashed. A nearly empty whiskey bottle was clasped tightly in his hand. But not only dad he look drunk off his ass, his features were twisted into a fierce anger.

"Scotty!" I exclaimed, upset and slightly embarrassed, "What do you want?'

"I'm stoppin' you." He barked, waving the whiskey hand around between Pavel and me, "Stoppin' this."

"I-I don't understand." I maintained, eyes darting around to all the people watching us. It was abruptly very quiet.

"You shouldn' be dancin' lie-that." He said dangerously, pointing an accusing finger in my face. I pushed it away and clenched my fists in an attempt to control my growing anger.

"Scotty, you're drunk." I said with forced calm.

"Not drunk enough to not see my little cuzin actin' lie-a slut." I reeled back and sensed a wave go through the crowd. Everyone was listening now and the music had stopped.

"I'm not a kid." I said vehemently, "And you aren't my dad." Scotty threw his arms briefly into the air, sloshing whiskey over the floor.

"S'right I'm not yeh father." He laughed and took a step towards me. He spoke with an even, cutting tone, "Cause I'm not dead." There were gasped of shock in the crowd.

That did it. I had punched my cousin faster than I could think and was then pushing my way towards the exit. I wiped at my eyes and cursed under my breath.

"An where do yeh think you're goin'?" Scotty finally bellowed after me as I reached the doors.

"Away from you! Don't worry about telling me to go to my room, daddy, I was already headed there!" I yelled.

As I stalked down the unforgivingly bright hallway and sidled into the lift, I heard Pavel's cute, familiar voice. I couldn't stand to look at him as he stopped just outside the lift. It was like a wall dividing us, and it should probably stay that way. I was so humiliated by both Scotty and myself. How could I think he'd enjoyed any of that, enjoyed me?

"Pavel, I'm... sorry." I said, diverting my gaze and reaching for the lift controls, "I didn't want to make you uncomfortable." And with that I pushed the button to shut the door in his face. I couldn't stand to see him try to fight through his pity and disgust for me to try and force something comforting out. So I ran from the inevitable and obvious.

I listened to the quiet hum of the ascending lift for a few moments before losing the fragile hold over my emotions. I slid down the wall and cried into my arms. I had never felt more pathetic.


	9. A Little Bit of Hope

**Firstly, I'm sorry this chapter was a long time coming. I was a little discouraged after my last chapter, and I've also had the worst week of my life, aside from my favorite idea kind of flopping.**

**So, alright, you guys caught me: I have no idea how Scotty is supposed to act.**

**I actually wasn't much of a Star Trek fan before the movie (and if I watched it at all, I preferred The Next Generation).**

**I just thought I'd try it out. I needed ****someone**** to do that part, and, as a family member, I thought Scotty might be a good candidate. So I was wrong.**

**This chapter is just some filler, and also some damage control after the last chapter.**

**Hope you guys like this! Keep the reviews coming.**

Well of course I had to make up with my cousin. He was the closest family I had, and also my only choice for babysitter. While Jim would grudgingly accept my little brothers if I asked, I wasn't going anywhere near the bridge. I couldn't take the chance of Pavel being on shift.

So by my next shift, thankfully a day or two after the party incident, I was down in Engineering, holding out my youngest brother and smiling innocently at Scotty. The boys ran off at the prospect of a game of Engineering hide-and-seek, leaving just us. It was weird, but I broke the silence.

"I'm sorry for hitting you." I said shamefully, choosing to look at my feet.

"Nah, I should be apologizing." He assured me, "I didn' mean what I said."

"I know you didn't." There was a pause.

"Eliot." His tone was softer and I looked up at him, "I realay am. Abou' yeh father, too. He was a good man. Always decent teh anyone... Yeh mother, too." I felt a pang of guilt.

"But I'm especially sorry for what I said abou' you." He told me, and then laughed shortly, "You're mah little cousin; someone's got to protect yeh from those boys." I laughed a little too.

"I think you're just jealous of my superior dance moves." I chided jokingly, smiling.

"A-course I'm not jealous!" He maintained, "Watchin' you kids dancing like tha' just made me feel so old, is what." And he returned my smile.

There was a moment of that awkward affection cousins share when we hugged, and briefly I was reminded of happier times with more frequent hugs. But I decided not to dwell on my parents, because I knew I had someone almost as good keeping a close eye on me. It made me feel safe.

~*~

And much like with Scotty, I had to face my demons with the bridge about a week and a half later. I would have been very happy not to ever have to go there again, if only to run from my humiliation, but my brothers had different agendas. Christian was busily in the process of learning everything Jim Kirk knew about women, and Eli was whining about how much he missed Uhura. Who was I to deny a stand-in father for Christian and a pseudo-mother for Eli?

So it was with a heavy heart that I exited the lift and walked over to the Captain. I was doing a decent job of not seeing Pavel, but I betrayed a glance when he whispered my name. I looked away from his face as soon as I looked over. It was unbearable seeing him again. It was unbearable how much I missed him.

"Eliot, nice of you to grace the bridge with your presence!" The Captain's ridiculous banter drew me back to reality, "I saw you at the party, you can really move." He flashed me his teeth.

"Thank you, Captain." I rolled my eyes, but smiled despite myself.

"So what are you doing after your shift?" He asked in a playful undertone as Eli ran up to hug him. I put my hands on my hips and smirked.

"Still being seventeen." I told him.

"Your point?" Jim shot back, leaning an arm on the side of his command chair, still grinning wide. I shook my head and tried not to laugh.

"I'm way too young for you, _Captain_." I added. Jim turned his chair towards Christian, who was looking on, apparently amused.

"You see Christian, this is what we call 'playing hard to get'." He said in a tone a teacher would take with a young and eager student. I snorted in disbelief and took that as my cue to leave.

"Ayleeote." I heard him perfectly well, but sped up nonetheless. I made it to the safety of the lift and turned back towards the bridge. Pavel was too late getting out of his chair because I was already pushing the button for my floor.

~*~

Pavel sat at his station, staring broodingly down at his controls. In Eliot's wake he found himself deep in thought about that girl, the girl that never strayed too far from his mind. Could he really be blamed? She just gave him so much to think about. Everything she did intrigued him and made his mind race.

He loved her strange little quirks, the little things that made her so different from any other girl on this ship, maybe from any girl ever. Her handwriting, looping and rushed, as if she couldn't keep the words in her and couldn't wait to put them down; her masked dialogue, the way she spoke in subtle riddles, maybe wondering whether he noticed them; her music, and all the beautiful, honest, insightful words; and with that, her dancing...

Pavel's heart picked up a few paces just thinking about it. He'd replayed the mental video of her up on the stage so many times. Yes he had been watching, and had taken a very long time calming down enough to approach her afterwards.

But perhaps the thing he loves most about Ensign Eliot Laine Kilkenny was the way she spoke. To anyone else, her voice wouldn't seem at all distinguishable from another; but Pavel had an ear for all her delicate differences. Like the way she said "thirteen" as "th-ere-teen"; a slight Irish tone, sharply in contrast with her cousin's boisterous Scottish accent. Or, when she would speak animatedly and fast, how she would pronounce the V sound like an F, maybe suggesting a German ancestor. Or, an invention completely of her own, how she made "please" rhyme ever so slightly with "fleece", extending the E and ending it softly.

But, without a doubt, his favorite was the way Eliot said his name. Most people said it "Pav-elle", which always sounded a little too eloquent for his personality. But Eliot said it the same way she wrote, quickly. She pronounced it "Pavle", putting the L sound slightly ahead and cutting the E short. It wasn't that she had more important things to say, she just had something else to go on to.

Pavel grabbed his curls and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to dispel her from his mind, but she only became clearer. She wasn't doing anything in particular, just standing there, arms crossed, smiling, laughing. He tried not to look troubled, but he couldn't hide his feelings very well. Did she even know what the mere thought of her did to him? He hoped not, because she surely didn't feel the same way. Or else she might have looked at him, smiled at him, when she came in just now. Pavel bit his lip to keep himself from getting too emotional. He was on duty. But still...

How long had it been since she had said his name?

Looking up and out through the glass, into the beautiful, lonely vastness of space, Pavel made up his mind.

It had been far too long.


	10. This Hint of Love

**You guys will hate me, but I have to do this.**

**This is kind of an extension of the last chapter that didn't quite fit, so it's a little short.**

**The next chapter is something to wait for, I promise. It'll just take me a while to write. Plus I have a seriously packed schedule this weekend.**

**So don't be surprised if there's a good break between this one and Chapter 11.**

**Thanks for the reviews, guys! Keep them coming. And enjoy!**

It had to be now.

Pavel took one last, steadying breath before turning the corner and walking purposefully towards the door. Her door.

He stopped right in front of it and waffled over whether he should ring the bell or knock. Which would be better? Which would convey his feelings more accurately? Which would she prefer? And did any of that actually matter?

Pavel raised a fist and knocked.

~*~

There was no better time.

I allowed myself a few quick, scared breaths before leaving my room and rushing towards the door. My door.

I stopped right behind it and debated whether to look confused or sad. Which would be better? Which would be more truthful to how I really felt? Which would he believe more? And did any of that actually make a difference?

I crossed my arms and looked how I felt.

~*~

"Go away." I said quietly from the doorframe. This was so much worse than on the bridge this morning. I didn't have to look to him then, I could pretend that my heart wasn't pounding in my chest. Basically, I could lie to myself. Just seeing him, knowing it was him before I even opened the door, there was no way I could look honestly confused. And I didn't want to lie to him. I couldn't lie to him.

"Ayleeote." Pavel said, looking at me nervously. I just melted; how long had it been since I had heard that adorable accent? How long had it been since he had last said my name?

I wasn't usually one to break down into sobs in front of guys my age, or anyone really; except Scotty and McCoy, they were family. And even though I knew I had creeped him out, maybe I still did, just standing here, looking at him so intensely, I flung my arms around his neck and cried. I think I may have said some things, but even I couldn't understand myself. I think he may even have hugged me back, but that's just something people do when someone else is crying on them, right? Kind of like how people will tell you how wonderful and beautiful you are on your parents' graves...

Eventually I calmed down enough to let go and he led me inside to sit down. I sat in a single chair, thinking anything else would be quite right; I didn't want to give Pavel the wrong idea. He gave me a look on his way to the couch, but sat down on the coffee table instead. He sat right in front of me, leaning in close and staring right into my eyes.

"You aren't making this easy." I whispered so softly he may not have heard me. Did I even want him to? Would admitting my feelings be admitting defeat? I could deny them to the end, and never have to get hurt. I didn't want to get hurt.

Pavel dropped his gaze and reached for something behind him. I looked down and recognized my PADD. I hadn't thought of it much, and how I'd left it. I had so much else to worry about, but seeing it was a kind of comfort. I could hear the music in my head already. It made me feel safe.

"Yoo leff zis at ze partee." Pavel explained, still looking at it, running his thumb along the edge, "I waunted to reeturn eet." He handed me my PADD and our hands brushed. Something electric, like a static shock but much more pleasant, ran between us in that second. I think it's called a spark. A spark set off by this hint of love.

"Thank you." I said weakly, sadly. I pulled the PADD close to my chest and dipped my head downwards, towards my lap. I hid my face behind my bangs and cursed the blush creeping across my cheeks.

"Ayleeote." Pavel said just as softly, moving my bangs behind my ear and tilting my chin upwards. His eyes really did amaze me. He may not say much about how he feels, but I could read his eyes like a book. A really good book, one with deep messages and real emotions. If only the love in those eyes was directed at me. There was so much of it; it always seemed to be over-flowing. The yearning in my heart made it ache and quiver.

"Yes, Pavel?" I asked. My voice was a little hoarse, because my throat was very tight, and barely there. It amazed me how vulnerable I sounded. I think I saw him smile in the corners of his mouth ever so slightly when I said his name. I couldn't be sure, because my vision was fuzzy with hot tears. I knew it was coming, and I just couldn't bear to hear it. Not from him.

"Ayleeote... I hauve bean wonderink..." Pavel took a moment to pause and averted his eyes. He was unreadable, aside from his uncertainty. My heart hammered until he eventually looked back to me. I think I read something else there. I couldn't be sure. But I felt my heart swell with something I surely hadn't felt in weeks. It was hope. Was that what was in Pavel's eyes, too?

"Yoo wood go on a date weeth me, da?" He asked me, touching me hand, just barely, "Pleece?"


	11. What You See

Sorry it took so long! I really wanted it to be perfect, so I had to let the inspiration find me, if I wanted it to be genuine.

**This story really does make my day. I get reviews, I got past ten chapters, and this is the first story I've ever finished!**

**Yes, I said finished. This is the last chapter (sorry). It just leaves off too well. Anything else after just wouldn't sound important.**

**So this is where I end it!**

**Please, please, please tell me what you think! I have NEVER finished a story before, so feedback would be so awesome.**

**Look back for other stories, if you like what I do.**

**Thanks to EVERYONE who reviews. I love you guys. You helped me finish this thing. I owe it all to you!**

**Enjoy (for the last time)!**

I waited nervously in the darkened room. Pavel had asked me to meet him in this unused room on this specific day, late at night. It would have been an unremarkable place for a first date if not for the large window taking up a whole wall of the room. It was nearly as impressive as the bridge's view.

Space really did amaze me, much in the way Eli amazed me, with his incurable curiosity and unstoppable stream of words. I could stare into it, see past the warp stream, and almost hear wispy little voices in my head. If I focused on a star in the void, I imagined I could hear the people in that system. Their voices, their thoughts. I could imagine what their lives were like. I could imagine what my life would be like if I lived there. Thinking things like that made my heart squirm in my chest and ache with longing. It was a powerful feeling. I imagine it was pure passion; the way it burned, far down in my stomach, like a quiet fire, surely outmatched any liquor. And I can't remember ever feeling that way about hardly anything else. It made me emotional.

So that was how Pavel found me, hands curled into a single fist over my heart, eyes wide and glossy, a few silent tears running down my cheeks, standing in the pale light of our warp stream. I felt him move behind me and enfold me in his arms; I let my head fall against his shoulder when he rested his cheek on the side on my head.

"Yoo broht ze PADD?" Pavel asked quietly.

"Yeah." I replied. I pointed behind me, to a dusty, long table. Pavel left for it. I crossed my arms over my chest and tilted my head as Owl City's "Vanilla Twilight" came on.

Pavel came back to me and coiled his arms around me again. I imagine we were swaying to the gentle rhythm, but didn't really notice it. I was lost in the void, and my thoughts.

"I leesened to zis muzik wen I had yoor PADD." Pavel told me softly. I nodded. Just then, the ship lurched; only slightly, like a car stopping for a yellow light. The warp stream disappeared. We had obviously dropped out of warp speed.

"I asked ze pilote to coast heere foor us." Pavel said to me. I liked the way he said us, "I waunted yoo to see zis." As he whispered into my ear, a beautiful anomaly met my eyes.

It was the Orion nebula. Massive and captivating, I couldn't help but cover my heart once more; I felt Pavel's hands fold overtop mine. With today's technology, the windows allowed us to actively view the colors of the gases and space dust. It was beautiful. It was amazing. I couldn't look away. The song restarted. We swayed in silence. I didn't have any thoughts anymore; that ache in my heart was overpowering my entire body.

"I know yoo luff space." Pavel mused. I merely nodded.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" I asked breathlessly. My eyes reflected the pale pinks and glowing blue infant stars.

"Wery." Pavel agreed, "Ees mysteeryoos too, no?"

"Very." I replied.

"Ees a leetle sad too." He added. I felt my heart catch.

"Yes it is..." I said slowly, almost not believing what I'd heard. I didn't think anyone else thought so. It was comforting to know I wasn't the only one. The last verse played.

"Zis shipe haas 'heavy wings', no?" Pavel asked again. I nodded, thinking about the words.

"We all have heavy wings. Deep down." I replied, thinking. The song restarted. We were silent for a while.

"Wat do yoo see een space?" Pavel asked me. It might have sounded conversational, but I knew enough to know that this conversation had far surpassed an ordinary level. This was a serious question, but not prying.

"I see my family." I said without needing to contemplate it, "I see the lives we could have lived. I see all the things we could have seen together." I felt the tears now. Pavel held me tighter.

How many times had I tortured myself with these thoughts? It was miserable.

"Do note cry." Pavel comforted me, speaking into my ear, "Pleece." I closed my eyes for a quick second.

"Why, what do you see?" I asked, trying to maintain my voice. He didn't react right away. But when he finally did, I was glad to have waited for it.

Pavel turned me around in his arms. He looked right down into my eyes and I couldn't avoid the passion in his. My heart lurched and quivered.

"I see a beautiful, woonderful pearson. Someone kind, oond karink, oond gen-tal. Someone mysty-fyink oond a leetle sad, boot only on ze eenside. Beekauz zis pearson ees also strong oond brave. She amazeez me." Pavel said, the passion in his eyes filtering right into his voice. I cried more tears unconsciously, caught by his words.

"She sounds wonderful." I choked, looking away. That couldn't be me. I wasn't any of those things.

"Ayleeote." He called to me. I looked back to him.

"Yes Pavel?" I whispered. He moved his hands from my waist to my face. His thumbs ran under my eyes, brushing away the stray tears.

And then, without warning, Pavel leaned his face down to mine. He held my face in his hands, but I never would have thought to pull away. I kissed back softly. It was perfect. This was perfect. Pavel drew back and looked into my eyes.

"Ayleeote," Pavel whispered, "I see yoo. Eet haas always bean yoo."

As we kissed again, I wove my fingers through Pavel's curls and he wrapped his arms around my waist again. And, there was no way to deny the feeling, though it was so long forgotten, I was happy. So happy in fact, that the tiny chunk of space, so long lodged into the deepest recesses of my heart, lost its hold on me.

My parents may be dead and gone, my brothers may need my constant attention, I may have lost my hope and my will for the past year and a half, but all that was gone now. This sweet Russian had given me my life back; he had given myself back to me. There was simply no other way to say it:

He amazed me.


End file.
